


Chaos and Bloodshed (are the best solution)

by Katkee



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Time Shenanigans, and team flash sighs heavily, eo and hunter team up, eobard is very very sarcastic, if you're looking for something serious it is not here, or alternate earth, post-Flashpoint maybe, the last thing i'm concerned with is logic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-07-29 21:09:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7699450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katkee/pseuds/Katkee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zoom crashes a battle between the Flash and Reverse Flash. Eobard is unimpressed. But when a team-up seems like the best way to annoy Barry, why the hell not. Maybe it'll be fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Enter Zoom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Amber_Flicker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amber_Flicker/gifts).



> I swear I'm working on Shattered Timelines. But my Reverse Flash and Zoom pop figures ended up next to each other and INSPIRATION STRUCK.
> 
> Context can be boiled down to: After the mess of Flashpoint, the Reverse Flash and Zoom have both returned. Also Wally and Jesse have powers, I think. I'll make up the rest as I go along.

Eobard was having a good day. He was in the midst of a battle with the Flash. Really huge, clear-the-streets-and-lock-your-doors sort of fight. Great fun all around.

Then this flicker of blue lightning comes swirling in, some black-suited speedster. Eobard would be fine with another enemy to tear down (okay, a little miffed, he prefers to hurt the Flash, but he’s gotten used to Kid Flash and Jesse Quick, so what’s one more?) but no! This pretender ignores Eobard completely and instead starts beating up on the Flash.

Well, that’s just _unacceptable_. _Nobody_ is allowed to touch Barry Allen except for Eobard.

( _Not_ like that. Get your mind out of the gutter. Speaking of which, it’s the 21 st century, why do you still use gutters? Totally unsanitary.)

So anyway, Eobard takes it upon himself to drag this shady black-suited speedster away from the Flash. Not that Mr. Allen says thank you. Eobard trained him for almost a year and the “hero” can’t even be bothered to express his gratitude. Rude.

Shady Speedster over here is stronger than Eobard, maybe faster too, but he’s only pulled away and is looking Eobard over, not running yet, so it’s hard to be sure. Besides, Eobard’s smarter, so.

“Who are you?” mystery guy growls. Which, predictable. Eobard has to give him _some_ credit, though—that mask? Can’t be easy to get a speedster’s levels of oxygen filtered through that thing.

Eobard lets his eyes glow an even brighter red than normal and speaks with more dignity than Shady Speedster’s growl could ever manage. “ _I_ am the Reverse Flash. Archnemesis of the Flash. I _don’t_ appreciate you interrupting our battle.”

“ _I_ am the Flash’s nemesis!” the other speedster insists. “My name is Zoom, and after I defeat the Flash I will destroy the multiverse!”

Eobard scoffs. “You know, in the early days I went by Professor Zoom. I gave that name up because it sounds _ridiculous_. Besides, I’m a better nemesis than you could ever be.”

Zoom’s lightning flickers with his annoyance. “I killed his father.”

“I killed his mother.”

“I convinced his team I was on their side for four months.”

Eobard actually laughs. “I did it for fifteen years, and they still wonder sometimes.”

“The Flash created a time remnant in order to stop me!”

“He made a deal with a criminal, called in outside assistance, watched his mother die _again_ , and it still took an ancestor of mine shooting himself to stop me.” Eobard grins. “Plus, a previous version of myself managed to cause problems for him anyway.”

The Flash, who’s been watching them converse, speeds over and nods. “Honestly, the Reverse Flash was worse than you ever were, Zoom. You could learn a lot from him.”

Eobard raises an eyebrow and regards Zoom, considering, who—even with the mask—looks intrigued.

Flash notices their interest in his unintentional suggestion and groans, slapping a hand to his forehead. “Why do I even talk?”

“So, Zoom, how about an alliance?” Eobard asks, really more to annoy Barry than because he actually thinks this psycho could be a good asset. “We could be the team-up of the Flash’s nightmares.”

Zoom lets out this awful, screeching laugh, and Eobard has to fight not to roll his eyes. He remembers those days, back when everything was about _speed speed speed_. Maybe he _can_ teach this kid a thing or two.

“Sounds like fun,” Zoom says, and extends his hand—excuse him, _claw_. Wow. This guy is really dedicated to the whole creepy costume thing. Meanwhile Eobard’s running around in _yellow_. But does that make him less terrifying? No. Lesson one— _subtlety_.

Still, he smirks and shakes his hand, because the Flash is still there and this is kind of fun.

“Well, shit,” Flash says and runs off.

Eobard throws a hand around Zoom’s shoulders and starts down the street. “So, have you ever considered a suit that’s a little less over-the-top…?”


	2. All Star Team Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Harry is _done_ , villain guidelines are mentioned, and the fourth wall is not quite broken but mildly bent.

Harry is So Done.

But then, that’s his default state, so what does that really say?

“So, the Reverse Flash—” he started.

“Yup.”

“—and Zoom—”

“Mhmm.”

“—as in, Eobard Thawne—”

“Yes.”

“—and Hunter Zolomon—”

“I’m running out of affirmatives.”

“—are allies.”

Barry speeds off and returns with a giant posterboard, the words _YOU GOT IT_ written in bubble letters in a variety of neon colors. Because what’s the point of superspeed if you can’t be petty every once in a while?

“ _Allen_ ,” Harry starts.

“It can’t be that bad,” Jesse says reasonably. “There are three of us and two of them.”

“Simple math,” Wally agrees.

“When it comes to bad guys, the math’s not like that at all,” Harry says.

“Some would say it’s the reverse,” Eobard says cheerfully from the entrance to the Cortex. Hunter enters alongside him, though without a clever catchphrase.

Cisco nearly has a heart attack. “Is that the only way you know how to enter a room?”

“So now we kill them, right?” Hunter asks Eobard.

Eobard sighs. “ _No._ First we have to make some vague threats and maybe threaten one of the Flash’s friends. We can’t kill anyone important yet. _This_ is why you’re not a good nemesis.”

“The buildup matters,” Barry says. “That’s, like, page one of the villain handbook.”

Eobard squints at Barry suspiciously. “You’ve read the villain handbook?”

“Uh, hello, Flashpoint? A whole world in danger, totally my fault.” He smirks at Eobard. “ _Now_ who’s the villain, Reverse Flash?”

“Good point.”

“Where do I get a copy of this villain handbook?” Hunter asks.

“Don’t you automatically get them on Earth-2 when you become evil?”

Hunter shakes his head.

Barry shrugs. “You could ask Hartley. He doesn’t need his anymore. Where is he, anyway?”

“Having dinner with his parents,” Caitlin supplies.

“Still?”

She shrugs. “Maybe dessert?”

“Huh.” Barry turns back to Eobard and Hunter. “Try Captain Cold, then. He doesn’t need his either.”

“Didn’t he die?” Eobard asks.

Barry laughs. “Villains might get handbooks, but heroes automatically get invincibility. Like, Eddie and Ronnie died…”

All of Team Flash says in a chilling, sequel-baity monotone, “But did they really?”

“So Len’ll be back,” Barry finishes. “Hey, what happened to the vague threats? If you two could get on with the whole supervillain thing, that’d be nice. I think there’s a cat stuck in a tree somewhere.”

“Old lady crossing the street,” Jesse adds.

“Maybe someone missed the bus?” Wally says.

They all look at Eobard and Hunter expectantly. Eobard gestures to his new protégé.

“Um… one day, Flash, I will take everything from you,” Hunter threatens. “Your speed will be mine, and you will rue the day you first tangled with Zoom.”

Everyone applauds politely, except for Harry, who applauds sarcastically.

“ _Now_ can we kill them?” Hunter asks hopefully.

“ _No_. Now you need to give the hero a chance to get stronger. Then we can start killing off everyone he loves.” Eobard steers Hunter from the Cortex, calling over his shoulder, “We’ll be back tomorrow.”

Barry frowns and looks around the room. Jesse and Wally are heroes, so they’re safe, and Cisco and Caitlin probably count too. Iris has love interest immunity. But Harry and Joe? Superhero parents are fair game.

He better get them into relationships to give them immunity as well. Cisco/Harry might work out, and Caitlin/Joe is probably fine.

But wait—Cisco’s romances always end badly, and Caitlin’s end in death-slash-betrayal. Clearly their sort-of hero status doesn’t ensure love interest immunity. Ugh. Fine. Maybe the three speedsters should just keep their collective parents safe.

How boring.

**Author's Note:**

> This is total garbage. 
> 
> If you want to see more, let me know! I'll probably spew it out regardless because I'm having fun. Or if you want to tell me how pointless and awful it is, let me know that too! I'm good either way!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Time and Time Again](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9476741) by [Hiver_Frost_Elf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiver_Frost_Elf/pseuds/Hiver_Frost_Elf)




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